Monday, September 26, 2016

Geek Family Kitchen: 4 Game Night Dips

Do you love creamy dips, but hate the crappy ingredients you find in the processed varieties in the store? Then you're in luck! These dips are perfect for chips, vegetables, and anything else you can think of. And you can make them with just a few ingredients and a lot of patience.

I know, patience is not a strength for most people today, but believe me when I say it's worth it. Homemade mayonnaise takes a lot of patience. After that, just add your favorite ingredients to turn this creamy colloid into a delicious dip.

Homemade Avocado Oil Mayonnaise:
2 eggs
1 freshly squeezed lemon
1 17 oz. bottle of avocado oil (separate out 1/4 cup)
3/4 tsp. sea salt
3/4 tsp. mustard powder

1. Combine eggs and lemon juice together and allow to come to room temperature. This will take 15 to 30 minutes.

2. Once they've reached room temperature together, add in the 1/4 cup of oil, salt, and mustard powder. Blend thoroughly.

3. While mixing the ingredients on high, slowly pour in the rest of the oil. This takes a lot of patience. If you do this step too quickly, it will not create an emulsion. If you do this by hand, it will take even more patience, because you will have to mix vigorously, add a little oil, mix vigorously, add a little oil, repeat. If you use and immersion blender (the fastest way), you will blend with the stick, add a little oil, blend, add oil, repeat. If you use a food processor with a hole in the lid, just run it as you add the oil through the hole, but still, pour it very slowly.

Honey Mustard:
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 Tbs. honey
1 Tbs. gluten-free mustard
1/4 tsp. dried dill

1. Combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly.

2. Enjoy now or refrigerate.

Cooling Spice Dip:
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 tsp. turmeric
1/4 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. cumin
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/4 tsp. onion powder
1/4 tsp. garlic powder

1. Combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly.

2. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours to allow the flavors to blend.

"Cheesy" Ranch Dip
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 Tbs. full-fat coconut milk
1 tsp. dried dill
1/2 tsp. dried parsley flakes
Dash of black pepper
1/4 tsp. onion or garlic powder
1/4 tsp. smoked paprika
1 Tbs. nutritional yeast flakes

1. Combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly.

2. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours to allow the flavors to blend.

Creamy Guacamole
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 ripe avocados
1/4 tsp. cumin
1/4 tsp. onion powder or 1 diced onion
Cayenne pepper to taste
2 Roma tomatoes, diced

1. Combine mayonnaise and avocado and mix thoroughly.

2. Add cumin, onion powder (if using), and cayenne, and mix thoroughly.

3. Stir in diced tomatoes and diced onion (if using).

4. Serve immediately, or refrigerate no more than a couple of hours, as the avocado will oxidize and look disgusting.

Beets and Sweets Chips:
Sweet potatoes
Lard or coconut oil for frying
Sea salt

1. Heat oil to between 365 and 375 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. Cut vegetables to desired thickness. I suggest you cut them very thin if you are going for a chip consistency.

3. Fry vegetables. Sweet potatoes are easy to tell when they are done because they get a golden brown. Beets are harder to tell. They are best when crispy.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Geek Family Kitchen: Lightsaber Hilt

     When Ray made a lightsaber for himself years ago, you can bet I was jealous. I was busy with school and my art projects at the time and didn't have much time for crafts. I tried to get Ray to make me one, but he insisted that it was a craft that should be individualized. When I asked him what he wanted to do for the video, he suggested we make lightsabers together, since I never made my own. I was thrilled!

     Now you can make your own. This doesn't have any sort of light or blade, but it can be worn as a cool prop for your favorite Jedi costume.

What You'll Need:

3/4" wooden dowel

Sand paper

Faucet handle

Faucet head

1/2" hose clamp


Metallic spray paint

Mod Podge or other sealer

Craft foam


Button-sized jewel or semi-precious stone


1. Cut your dowel to the length you want your hilt to be. Sand the dowel with sand paper.

2. Drill pilot hole at one end of dowel. Pop end off faucet handle and replace the screw that it came with with a wood screw. Attach the handle to the dowel with the wood screw and replace the faucet end.

3. Fill in the gap between the faucet handle and dowel with epoxy or similar substance. Smooth it to desired taper. Allow it to dry or harden.

4. Fit hose clamp onto dowel. Set it to where you'd like your switch to be. Tighten clamp.

5. Taper the end of the dowel opposite the end with the handle. If you want your faucet head to retain its original colors, leave it off. If you want it a homogeneous color, glue it on. (We started with E600, but found out the hot glue actually works better.)

6. Sand the plastic pieces of your lightsaber to give them a rougher texture to better hold the paint.

7. Spray paint the lightsaber thoroughly. Allow to dry for 24 hours.

8. Seal the lightsaber with Mod Podge or other sealer. Allow to dry for 24 hours.

9. If you left the faucet head off for painting, it is now time to attach it with hot glue. If you left it on, skip to step 10.

10. Decorate your lightsaber with strips of craft foam.

11.  Finish the saber off by gluing the crystal into the end of the faucet head and the jewel or stone onto the switch.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Geek Family Kitchen: Five Nights at Freddy's-Inspired Gluten-Free Pizza

Freddy Fazbear's Award-Winning Gluten-Free Pepperoni Pizza

     This pizza was inspired by one of our favorite series of horror games: Five Nights at Freddy's. If you don't know what that is, it's a game full of creepy animatronics that jump-scare you any time you mess up. The game was designed by Scott Cawthon, a Christian game designer who created a game called Chipper & Sons Lumber Co. Sadly, his earlier attempts at game design fell flat, and the aforementioned Chipper & Sons Lumber Co. was unintentionally terrifying with people citing that his CGI characters looked like creepy animatronics.

     If you do know the game, then you know that the Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria has many pictures on the walls of its iconic pepperoni pizza. We couldn't find good, high-quality, gluten-free pepperoni, so we had to use our favorite salami and cut it smaller with a cookie cutter to achieve the desired look of Freddy's pizza.

Our pizza crust is one of our family's absolute favorite. It is a slight variation on Kelly Bejelly's Pizza Crust from her book: Paleo Eats. You can also find her recipe on her website. This crust is a bit tricky, but well worth it.


Pizza Crust:

1/2 cup water

1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 Tbs. nutritional yeast (optional for cheesy flavor)

1 tsp. sea salt

1 tsp. onion powder

1 tsp. basil

1 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. marjoram

1 1/2 cups tapioca flour

1 large egg, beaten

2 Tbs. coconut flour

Pizza Sauce:

1 large can (29 oz.) organic tomato sauce

1 small can (12 oz.) organic tomato paste

1/2 cup unrefined cane sugar

1 medium onion (sauteed)

1 tsp. basil

1 tsp. oregano

1 tsp. marjoram

Pizza Toppings:

1 lb. whole milk mozzarella (either real buffalo mozz or mozz from grass-fed cows if you can tolerate dairy, if not try nut cheese or go cheeseless), shredded

gluten-free, uncured pepperoni from pastured pigs or gluten-free, uncured salami cut with small, round cookie cutter


1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, bring the water, olive oil, salt, onion powder, basil, oregano, marjoram, and nutritional yeast to a boil.

3. While the oil and water mixture are heating, mix tomato sauce, tomato paste, sauteed onion, sugar, basil, oregano, and marjoram in saucepan and heat over medium heat.

4. Once the oil and water mixture are at a boil, add the tapioca flour and immediately remove from the heat. Keep stirring until you have a slightly crumbly to a slightly sticky dough.

5. Allow the dough to cool for 2 or 3 minutes. Place in a mixing bowl. Add egg and coconut flour. Mix and allow to sit for another 2 or 3 minutes to thicken up. Once thickened, knead until it forms a uniform, soft dough ball.

6. Place dough on a piece of parchment paper. Place another piece of parchment over it and roll out to a quarter of an inch thick. Pinch up sides to make a border for the sauce and toppings and to make the dough more round.

7. Remove the top sheet of parchment and place on a pizza pan or a large baking sheet. Cover with a light coat of olive oil to keep the crust from drying out.

8. Bake for 20 minutes, or until light golden brown. Remove from the oven.

9. Top with shredded cheese and pepperoni. Bake an additional 5-10 minutes, or until the cheese is melted. Slice and serve.